80: Tania Dalton on Navigating Menopause with Resilience and Empowerment

Welcome to the Dear Menopause podcast, where we discuss the menopause transition to help make everyday life a little easier for women. Hey, this is Sonya and I am the host of Dear Menopause. I have Tania Dalton in for a conversation today. Tania is an incredible woman with a really broad background. She is a health coach. She's been a personal trainer for many, many years. She's also a meditation teacher, but it's how she lives her life post menopause that I wanted to share with you. Enjoy learning from Tanya about how exciting and adventurous you can make your post menopausal life. Hi Tania, welcome to Dear Menopause. Hi Sonya, thank you for having me. It's my pleasure. What we're here to talk about today is your post menopausal story, so you now do a lot of work in your business.

Beautiful midlife. I love my know-ya. I love beautiful midlife because I just think that beauty is so much more than skin deep and this is such a fabulous time of life to, I suppose, realise that and realise that, despite the challenges of menopause and midlife, it can also be this amazing, beautiful and really fabulous opportunity to live your best life.

Yeah, I totally agree, but it took you a little bit to get to that place, didn't it?

Yeah, definitely. It's kind of funny because I thought because obviously I've been a trainer for 30 years and I had a fairly healthy lifestyle, I suppose, I exercised regularly, I ate quite well and I kind of because I wasn't aware of how menopause even worked when I hit that perimenopause point as many of us weren't I kind of naively thought that I wouldn't even experience menopause and that my healthy lifestyle would prevent me from having any issues and that I'd probably just wake up one day, my period would stop and I'd just get on with my life. And of course, I was completely wrong about that. It really, you know, I experienced lots of issues maybe not as severe as some people, but I had quite a few things to deal with and it really, I think, for me, pointed out where I had some deficiencies in my overall health, which was things like stress management and also prioritising sleep. I think those are the two main things that really it showed me, and I think that's what menopause does. It really can show you if you're prepared to look a little bit deeper. It makes you look at your health and lifestyle and everything a little bit more and if you can do that, you can come out the other end, I think I'm healthier now than I was premenopause, because I look at things so much more holistically and I really do try to listen to my body. Before I probably, you know, didn't listen to my body quite as well as I should have and I really think it's been for me an opportunity to really overhaul my whole lifestyle and create this much better way of living that's going to serve me now and as I age.

Yeah, and I love that philosophy so much, which was why I was really drawn to talking to you today. There's also another aspect to your life that we're going to dive into, not quite yet. Are you happy to share what some of the experiences you had during your menopause transition were? That did kind of surprise you when you expected it to be this cruising period, because you were in the health and fitness industry and we've got it all together.

Yeah, definitely. So. Sleep, I think, was probably the main issue, and that obviously exasperated anything else that I was experiencing. So I had grown up, I suppose I started working in the 80s and 90s in a corporate environment where not being able to, not having to sleep was kind of rewarded. So I could work a whole week without hardly any sleep and, you know, perhaps I wasn't working at my best. Looking back, but I survived and I thought I was coping okay. So I went into perimenopause still not prioritizing my sleep, still thinking that I could really just, you know, keep going on four to five hours sleep a night, which was just stupid, looking back, Wow, so you were in a routine where you were getting that little sleep. Yeah, maybe, six, but never more than six hours, Like I'd be training people before 6am and doing my own training and then not going to virtual midnight. Wow, yeah, silly, you know, looking back, I really, you know I thought I was. I kind of thought it was a bit of a badger bonnet and it's kind of an old way of thinking and obviously it's. A whole lot of research come out now that shows us that's completely wrong and it's stupid. And now that my sleep is much more under control, I think, oh my goodness, I don't feel exhausted by Fridays anymore.

So what does your sleep look like? Now Tell us, give us an insight into what that is.

I still, I still not perfect and I think it's always going to be a work in progress for me, because it's easy for me to slip back into those really bad habits. So if I get really busy with my own work I might work late and then that really affects my circadian rhythm, but generally I have really good sleep. Hi, jean, I have this attitude that I get up in the morning and my I start preparing for sleep when I wake, so I get morning light in my eyes, I move in the morning, I get breakfast, so it helps to reset my circadian rhythm. At night I try to have a wind down routine where I try not to be on electronics later, which you know is easier said than done. I always read before I go to bed. I utilize often tart cherry juice, which is something that I'm not sure whether it has melatonin or it stimulates melatonin a little.

And Ange Clark talks about tart cherry juice.

A lot, yeah, so I found that if I look at my Garmin watch, my stats are definitely better when I use it Like, even if I don't realize it, I think, oh no, it's not a real thing. But then I look at my if I don't use it, I start using it again my sleep stats definitely improve. So it's one thing that's really. Yeah, that's kind of interesting. I just have this much better, obviously, attitude and just realizing that sleep is it's a superpower, and just changing that attitude. And that doesn't mean that during my menopause transition it wasn't really hard. So I had severe night sweats at one stage, having to get up three times a night to change my clothes, like lying in sweat, it's disgusting. I had a sore elbow joint that really fled up overnight. I had to sleep with it on a pillow. At one stage, I just having to go to the toilet a million times a night and then insomnia was really bad at times as well. So you know it's what I'm doing. My sleep hygiene definitely helped. It doesn't mean that it was like the answer. I think one of the things I did do was I started learning about meditation and when I couldn't sleep this is one of the things I think really helped me. Actually, when I couldn't, when I didn't have insomnia, I started to try to put myself into kind of a meditative state, so just lying there, trying not to get stressed out about the fact that I wasn't sleeping, and just thinking my body is resting at least, and I'm much better off in this state than reading or, you know, getting on my phone, things like that.

So I think that kind of taps in a little bit into a bit of cognitive behavioural therapy as well, which is, you know, there's incredible studies to show the impact that cognitive behavioural therapy can have on the management of certain symptoms. But absolutely definitely with your sleep, and I know I use it when I have those scenarios where you wake in the you know, 3am or whatever it is and you get up and you go to the bathroom and then you come back to bed. But then you know your mind often wants to take you down the rabbit holes of all the things that you know you should have thought about during the day and you didn't. And how you describe the meditative state is quite similar to the CBT kind of tools that I use to not allow my brain to go to those places.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And when I say meditative state, you know it's not, there's no magic to it, it's really just. I was just lying there and just calmly trying to breathe, just really controlling my breathing. To be honest, you know, that's what I call a meditative state. So, some people go oh, I don't know how to meditate, it's not really a there's no real way to meditate exactly. It's just really trying to just calm your mind and your breathing down and just yeah, just trying to not obviously let your mind take over and things like that. So yeah, so sleep was kind of what I think it was the biggest light bulb moment for me and that's obviously improved my whole outlook on life and my whole health overall. The other thing I did have was I call it my supermarket rage Supermarket rage, embarrassingly, I don't know why. Why is it a supermarket? I don't know what it was about the supermarket. Obviously I had rage at other times, but I definitely had this supermarket rage where I'd go into the supermarket, almost seek out the moldy strawberries in the millions of them in the packets and stamp up to some poor supermarket keyed in the fruit and veggie department and push it into his face and go there's another pack of moldy strawberries. And then I'd get annoyed with the people at the registers if they put all of the milk and all of the bottles of mineral water in one bag and it was too heavy. I felt like going I might look like I'm strong, but maybe someone else can't, and so I ended up having to actually always go to the self-serve, to actually stop myself.

That's really interesting that, a you recognised that the supermarket was a trigger for you, but B it almost sounds a little bit like perhaps and I could be completely wrong here that you were maybe channeling your rage there because it wasn't necessarily the right place to take it out at home or in your workplace or wherever it was, whereas the supermarket was a kind of like you didn't know anyone else that was there. There was an easy place for you to channel that rage.

Maybe, maybe I think my family would say that I also had some rage at home, but I feel like I need to go and apologise to them. But anyway, I kind of like slink in now and think, oh my goodness, how did I like? Do you remember me? Yeah, I know the difference between this is one of the biggest things about become Once you do lose those all of that fluctuating hormones in perimenopause. And one of the good things is that when you have that stability of hormones, when everything's flatlined, that doesn't ever come into my mind and it's just such a this is what I think back and realise how hard it is when those hormones are fluctuating and going crazy and how it does affect your mood and your brain and things. Whereas, compared to now, I would never do that. It's just not even ever on my radar, if that makes sense.

So yeah. So it's really interesting because you often hear you would hear this from the women that you work with and come across, and I hear it all the time and when it's that expression of just don't recognise myself anymore. And I truly agree with you that there is perimenopausal years when the hormones are fluctuating all over the place. Yes, you do exhibit behaviour that you normally wouldn't and you do almost become a person that is unrecognisable to you.

Yeah, and do you know what the thing is, though I did recognise that if I did manage my sleep and if I did, the other thing that I had really worked on during my menopause transition was stress management. If I did work on those two things, the mood and the rage things were much better controlled Really made me deep dive into those aspects of my health that I hadn't prioritised before, and when I did, it made everything. It's incredible how managing stress, managing sleep, can make such a profound impact on your life. I feel like not only did it help me get through my menopause transition when I did start to look at those things, but it also has helped my life now and will help as I age. So, as hard as menopause was, I feel that it was an opportunity for me to really deep dive into my health, my outlook on life, all of these things, and it's just been. It's been a blessing for me, and I know that that for someone in perimenopause going through the hardest times, that might be really hard to believe, but it can be life changing in a really positive way, and I think the other thing I found is that I really initially really fought the changes that were happening to my body in the menopause transition because I think subconsciously, or maybe consciously as well, I thought menopause meant getting old and I felt like, you know, I was 47. I felt like I just got my body back to myself and my life back to myself after having children in my little bit later in life and I felt like I was kind of, you know, in the best shape of my life. I don't really like to use those words these days, but and then I hit with this menopause thing and I thought I'm not letting that happen to me. I am fighting tooth and nail to stay the way I am now, and that was to my detriment, I think. I think once I realised that, you know, perhaps it was time to go with the flow a bit and kind of just realise that this is another stage of life and this is another reproductive transition and then it's going to keep. There's going to be things continuing to happen as I age. Once I got my head around that as well and wasn't so determined not to let it change me. That helped as well. So that whole mindset shift was such a such a big part of it for me.

What facilitated that mindset shift for you? So you know, was there because I know that you, you know you talk about how you reframe your experience to be more optimistic and more positive, but was there, was there a catalyst for you kind of sort of leaning more into that? I need to be more embracing of this Like kind of what was that change of mindset like for you?

Yeah, well, I suppose realising that what I was doing really wasn't serving me, the fighting part of it really wasn't serving me, so I had to look at something differently. I think also, you know menopause and midlife it can be a real time where you it's an opportunity, I suppose, to just become a little bit more self-aware. You also are kind of faced a little bit with your own mortality because you know, whether you like it or not, you're probably nearly halfway through your life, or at least halfway through your life. And that realisation was big for me. My dad, which I think you know, my dad died when he was 47 of a sudden heart attack. So getting to the age that he was, which was 47 when I started my menopause transition, it really made me start going goodness, if I don't start living my best life you know, have a short life like my dad then it could be all over soon. So I've really needed to dig deep and start becoming just creating this much more self-awareness and about you know, maybe some of the things I wasn't that happy about that had happened in my past and trying to create this whole new era almost of my life where I really did start to make those changes and become the person I've always really wanted to be, I suppose.

Yeah, it sounds really cliched, but I think there is a lot in that and I definitely can see how your dad's passing at that same age would have a significant impact on how you then viewed the rest of your life post-47.

Yeah, definitely, definitely Just that. And menopause I think, like I said, I've found it as this life-changing opportunity and I feel really happy that I've transitioned through menopause because I feel better. Like I said, I feel healthier and better and more empowered than I've ever felt before. And I know there's a lot of you know it's not easy, don't get me wrong, and some you know, but I always say, by the time we get to this mid-life stage, we have decades of not only genetics but lifestyle choices, maybe injuries, medical conditions, a whole lot of stuff that makes up who we are now and my experience is not going to be the same as someone else's. But I don't want people to think obviously I didn't sail through menopause at all, but I also, you know, want people to recognise that our mindset is really powerful. We have a lot of control and when we can start to view and I think there's some studies around this when we, when people do view menopause in a more positive light, their experience actually is better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, but, as you say, being mindful of that, that's not always easy to hear when you are in the thicket of it and if you are in that percentage of women that do struggle with really debilitating, you know symptoms, but you know I certainly agree with you because that's my experience as well, being on the other side, but being in the thicket can be really tough. Now you did a couple of really cool things in your kind of menopausal transition into being postmenopausal. Tell us about your first marathon and then your first Ironman.

Yeah. So actually it's really interesting because I listened to your podcast episode with Angelique Clark and she goes all these midlife women they're trying to be healthy and they start doing long distance events and things like that. And maybe it's not so good for your body which I do agree but do you know what? The reason I trained for a marathon was that I had wanted to do one since I was 15 and never thought that I was capable. I've never considered myself an endurance athlete. I'm not really that tall, even though I've been a personal trainer. I'm not that talented at sport or anything like that or running and I hit that age when my dad you know the same age my dad was when he died 47. And I thought if I don't do this now, like again, my life could be short, I might not ever do it. And I think one of the bonuses of menopause as well, which I know a lot of women also find, is that you care less about what people think, and I was always embarrassed. I thought, oh, what if I come last? What if I? You know, what if this? What if that? And that, I think, prevented me from having a go at doing it. I want to. You know, I didn't do things unless I thought I'd be really good at them, but menopause has allowed me to go. It doesn't matter if I'm not good at them, someone's going to come last. And so, yeah, I trained for this marathon. It was like it was life changing for me. I still never forget like the last, like my training. I was really slow. I thought am I even going to get through the course before they close it off? And you have to actually run it on the footpath. You can't actually run on the course on the road.

Yeah, because they closed the open the road back up.

Yeah, and then I think they closed down the MCG and you actually just finished on the outside. Anyway, I was kind of the times that it looked like I was going to do was borderline. That yeah, anyway, I did. I got to the marathon. Obviously I had trained myself quite well in. The adrenaline of the whole day was amazing and I came in an hour earlier than what I had anticipated over an hour. I know it's amazing. And that last kilometer of the marathon was just, oh, my goodness, I was running along like crying and going. My goodness, I've done this after. I'm gonna start crying now. 30 years of wanting to do this thing and here I am, 47, coming into the MCG, running around the ground. So the MCG is the Melbourne Cricket Ground, for those of you who don't know. So coming into this amazing stadium, running around and coming through the finish line, it was. It was just I can't even describe it, I think. But yes, I can describe it. I feel like it's kind of like childbirth, where you know all of this hard stuff and then you get there and it's just this elation but also emotional, emotional and you're physically exhausted and yeah. Yeah, and it was incredible. My family weren't there because they thought I was going to be now or later and so they weren't. They weren't even at the stadium to see me finish. I just finished by myself, which was amazing. Yeah, that's.

I just it must have been pretty cool when they finally did turn up and you're like Jesus guys, where you been.

And I just that's what I I want for other people, and it doesn't have to be a marathon, but just to realize that we are, doesn't matter what age you are we're so much more capable than what we can ever imagine. And if you do have these, you know, dreams like I had for so long of my life that it's not too late. And you know, you, you are, with some training, you're capable of doing so much. And, like I said, it doesn't even have to be a physical thing, it just be something else that you want to do in your life. So that's kind of my lesson from that. So then, yeah, so then I did. I have this osteoarthritic toe joint that makes running really hard, so I thought I don't know whether I can do another marathon. So I did a couple of half iron man triathlons, which was good, but then I don't know why. But I decided to do a full iron man, which is a 3.8 kilometers swim, 180 K bike and then 42.2 kilometers or a marathon at the end, like all consecutively. Yeah, yeah, sounds like crazy for me and for people who do triathlons it's no big deal. But you know I'm not. I don't consider myself kind of one of those people. I'm not someone that's trained their whole life and things like that. So, yeah, I trained for that to be three years. Initially it was supposed to take nine months, but then I actually had a lot of my main issues after my period stopped, in that first 12 months or so after my period stopped, which of course I didn't realize at the time because you don't know until after 12 months whether it's your last period. So anyway, I started training, had a quite a few menopausal issues, just adapting to training and obviously now looking back, realizing that my body is trying to adjust to this flat lining of my hormones. And here I am training it ultra, ultra event. But obviously I didn't know at the time, I thought I was still in perimenopause. So I did see it so I could train through that train, through COVID, which was just this up and down roller coaster where race I'd get to almost ready to go in the event and it would get canceled.

That happened, of course, and because you were in Melbourne, the most locked down city in the world.

Yes, so I did like. There was some days where I did this like and of course you know for feel really talented triathletes to go out and do a long ride, that might be four hours for me to do. The same distance is like eight hours. So one day, a few times I did like an eight hour cycle in my house.

Oh wow, all day, all day.

How was? Your bum after that Everything was sore Everything was sore. I cried, I was just. It was a motion. It was this emotional roller coaster throughout the day. I remember my family leaving, going somewhere for a while and they come back and when I when they left, I was crying. When they got back, I was crying and I'm not really up. You know I'm not into pain, I'm a bit of a, I'm a bit of a princess, so I'm not really into pain. So the training was really hard and I'm not a great cyclist. Anyway, I finally got to well, I've got to cans to do this iron man which I had to escape Melbourne in one of our snap lockdowns. I had 24 hours to get out of Melbourne and get everything ready, ready and get out before we went into the snap lockdown. So I arrived in cans a week earlier or so, completely alone because of a lockdown. My family couldn't come. There was no one else there I knew. So I did, ended up doing the iron man by myself, completely alone, no one cheering me on, which was as hard as that was. It was also empowering because when I got cross that line I did it all myself. I had no help. I had had to pull on every ounce of you know, determination and resilience and I always say it's like I didn't even realise I possessed those to actually get through it. When you're kind of running in the night and you know all the good people have finished and there's not that many people around, it's really, it's really hard, but it was. Oh my goodness, I sprinted that last one or two kilometres. I sprinted. I mean, I probably wasn't sprinting, I was probably going really slow. Can?

you, remind you, we're sprinting though.

I was sprinting, I was like it was another. It was like another life change. It was kind of up there, obviously, with the marathon. It was just this life changing thing. I think it was 13 hours, 42 minutes and 51 seconds. I still remember Another life changing thing to happen to me as I was 52. And just to realise that again, you know, never in my wildest dreams did I think I could do something like that. And here I am, 52 post-menopausal and I've done it and that was, you know, for someone, the first Iron man. It's a pretty good time for, you know, someone like me. Like that's actually an I was. I was again just wanted to finish. I think most Iron man races you have 17 hours. This one, for some reason in Kansas, 16 hours, 30, which is stressful for me. I thought it was going to be 16, you know, like I'd be over 16 maybe, but to do it in under 14 was like this incredible, like thing that happened to me. So, yeah, just amazing and again just showing not myself to just myself but other people that you know anything's kind of impossible like your wildest dreams are actually possible and you can do it over 50.

They are both such cool stories, but the one thing that I want to kind of carry through from those stories is this theme with you, and this is going to take us into the part of the conversation that I'm really excited about having with you is you have started doing quite a lot of things by yourself. Now not obviously not intentionally with the finishing of the marathon and then obviously, the ultra, the Ironman. That was never your intention to actually go do those by yourself, but you did an incredible solo travel trip. That is something I really want to unpack with you. So do you want to tell us a little bit about that?

Yeah, sure. So I never traveled when I was younger. I kind of never had the opportunity, I never did the backpacking thing, I never got to explore really any of Australia or the world when I was younger and I did a little bit of travel and then obviously had kids and so for my 50th I thought you know what I want to do something for myself, like just for myself. So I booked this Airbnb villa at the bottom of this cliff in Santorini and the people who I booked it with kind of didn't really even communicate very well in English, so it was all a bit unsure about whether they would be a villa there when I arrived. So I arrived at midnight, got dumped on the side of this jetty in the middle of the night, said just wait for the boatman to come around. I'm thinking, oh my God, what have I done?

It was like so, and you're flowing to Greece from Australia by yourself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, so yeah, however long, however long, that is what's? 26 hours, whatever. I don't know. Can I remember 26, 30 hours? Whatever had a child on the plane throw up all over me If one of my Not one of yours either. No, not one of mine, I know, can you believe it? I'm traveling and I have to sit next to a kid, anyway. I'm travelling by myself and I have to sit next to a kid, and anyway. So this boat, the little boat, the little tin boat, I saw it coming in the distance in the dark, picked me up, took me around there. They didn't attack me or anything Like, it was just like.

You survived.

What am I doing? What have I done so far? And so, anyway, I had the most incredible week of my life in Santorini. I was this Airbnb villa. Was this really cute little light? It was very basic but really cute, original, kind of one of those Kind of clay villas, whatever they're close white little villas Right Look at my door opened out onto the water. There was no one down there except a few locals and there was one restaurant where people boated in and out. So the only way to access this was either by a boat or you walk up these hundreds of rocky steps up the side of the cliff back into up into the town. And I just had the most amazing time just to be able to. For people who have never travelled by themselves and no been parents or being responsible for people, just to be able to do exactly what you want when you want is just amazing. But that's just even like one of the best things. But then just to Experience this and I kind of like timed my days really well, where I kind of went up early in the morning into the main areas and then again maybe later in the afternoon when all the cruise ship people had gone, so I kind of experienced it in this more quiet time. I just I went, I met some little, this local old couple, and went swimming with them in the morning every day and I someone took me around in this boat, around to this cliff, in the middle, in the cave, in the cliff, and we were swimming in this cave and off this, jumping off the side of the cliffs into the agency. Oh my goodness, it was just amazing. And again, just to think that you know, I'm not, I'm a bit of a non risk taker and it was quite of a risky thing for me to do I hired one of those four wheel motorbikes, oh my God, and I had this image of myself like one of those 1950s movies. I had this scarf and I thought I'm going to be driving along with it flowing behind me. Oh, my goodness, I was like it was flaming behind me, but I was like terrified the whole day. I was like I think I hit 35 kilometers an hour maximum and I was a car lined up behind me beeping me and I kept going down wrong way streets and I kind of navigated the whole island on this little four wheel motorbike which was, you know, you hear these horror stories about people dying on those things, but I did it and I know it's just just empowering, an amazing thing to do. And I'm already thinking about my 60th, what I'm going to do for my 60th because, although it's great to travel with people, just the freedom that it gives you and just as a midlife woman who you know, like I said, wasn't really a risk taker, hadn't really done much in her life, it was such an amazing opportunity and, again, just another way to feel empowered in this next stage of life. Yeah.

So what do you think you learned about yourself through that experience?

Yeah, I just I learned that, you know, I am capable and I'm quite resilient. And you know, things didn't not everything went to plan on that trip either, but I was quite resilient I'm, you know. And you know, by the time I get to this age, we've got so much experience and knowledge and wisdom. And just to be able to know that you can do things and to realise that, you know, life is a bit about taking some risks. I mean, I'm still a bit of a careful person my kids would say I'm overly cautious but just knowing that you can take risks and it's worth it, and you know, life's meant for living and there's so much out there to do and see. And it, you know, it wasn't even I did it, not in quite a cheap way as well, like it wasn't, like I didn't stay in the best place, but I had the sea right near my door and just being able to wrap it a bit. And I think that's where I talk about health a lot, where me being, you know, having my health allowed me to stay in this place, where I had to walk up these millions of steps and deck back down again, you know, like two or three times a day if I wanted to go up and down and having your health allows you to do that, and that's one of the things that I'm really passionate about. Midlife from it, because this is again another opportunity. If maybe you haven't looked after your health as well as you should have, maybe if you're like me and hadn't prioritised sleep and stress management, maybe it's now's the time to do it. But if we do have our health, then we can be doing this, traveling and our careers and I am in events, you know, hopefully, I hope I'm doing things into my 90s Like why not?

Absolutely, why not? And yeah, I love how you talk about the. It's almost like the resilience that you realise that we have. You know, and we often, I find, don't realise that we are as resilient as we are until we're put into a position whether we put ourselves in that position or life puts us in that position where you are tested. And you know, I did a trip when I was 40, I went to Nepal by myself and that was my birthday gift to myself, and I trekked to Everest Base Camp. Didn't do it by myself, obviously not that big a risk taker, but I did it with a group of people that I had never met until I landed at, you know, kathmandu Airport, and it's not an easy trek to do at all, and it's funny I find that I still and that now was 13 years ago for me I still find myself in situations where I tap back into things that I did on that trip to show myself that I can do those things today. It's like I have this phobia of using public toilets. I hate the thought of going to a public toilet, but can I tell you some of the toileting experiences that I had in communities with no running water and no electricity and the very, very bare minimum? In Nepal, I got my period at Basecamp. Oh my goodness, there is no hygienic way to dispose of period products other than to put them in a Ziploc bag and carry them back down with you. It's funny. I often find myself now I'll be out somewhere and I'll need to go to the bathroom and I'll be like, oh, I don't want to go to the public toilet. Then I'll have a little chat with myself and go come on, sonia, you've used much worse than this public toilet in the middle of Sydney. You'll be fine.

Yeah, I know I've been to Nepal, I know those toilets and do you know what? I'm not trying to downplay menopause at all. It can be really tough and I think, even though I did have problems, I've probably got out through it much easier than a lot of women, but it does. Even getting through menopause does build resilience as well, and then often the women I work with as well they'll get to this stage of life and everything's changed. You feel invisible, maybe Nothing works the way it used to and all of that kind of stuff. But we can draw on our decades of life experience to help get over any kind of roadblocks that we're facing at this time of life and realising that it's a big thing for women. I feel so many women go oh my goodness, I actually am capable. I've done all of this stuff in the past. I can utilise all of that knowledge and experience and wisdom to actually help me get through whatever I'm facing now, to help move forward. And when they realise that it's really like you see, this light bulb moment go off and they go oh my goodness, I can, I am capable. And I think sometimes we need to be reminded of that, because when you're in the thick of it or if you're feeling you know you get. I find women emerge from menopause just going oh my goodness, who am I now? And all of that kind of stuff. But when we can actually recognise what we have done in the past and what we have been through and all of that kind of stuff, and utilise that now, it really can help us.

Talk to us a little bit about the work that you do with women now. So through your business, beautiful midlife, how do you support women to embrace and lean into this empowering phase of life?

Yeah, so I mostly work online with women, mainly over 50, maybe mostly women that have transitioned through menopause, because I, like I said, I find that many women they'll eventually get through menopause and then they'll go oh my goodness, but who am I now? What's going on? My body won't work the same as it used to. Nothing's the same and, honestly, I really help women to tap into, like I just said, tap into all of the skills they've already got and recognise that so they can actually build this healthy lifestyle. And sometimes, you know, women are quite, I think, quite stuck in this time of life as well and they've lost their confidence. And when they can regain their confidence about who they are and what they're capable of, it really can change things. And it's just, it really is a matter of looking at your health a little differently and maybe making some tweaks. It doesn't have to be and I always say it doesn't have to be extreme. I don't believe in diets, I don't believe in extreme exercise, but you can make a few slight tweaks to your health and wellness. It can kind of create a snowball effect and just create this. You know, you can create an amazing life that's going to serve you not only now, but as you age as well.

So and I want to imagine that you also see flow on into the impact that has on relationships and careers, career choices perhaps. So you know, there I think we also see a lot of women at this stage start to stock, take audit. You know, where am I at with my career? Am I actually ready to ramp everything back up again and go out there and go hard for the next 10 years Because, god damn it, I've got the energy and I've got the skills and the knowledge and the wisdom, or they're in a position where they're like you know what? I've been going hard for a number of decades and I think now I might like to change what I'm doing. And you know, I think it must be a really pivotal time in lots of aspects of people's lives.

Yeah, definitely I agree. And again, it goes back to health as well. So when we have our health, it gives us, you know, we can throw. When we have our health, we can thrive in whatever we want to do, whether it's the same career or whether it's pivoting, like you said, into a different kind of career. With our health, that is, I think it's the key. It's the key to us us living our best life, and whether that means, you know, looking at your lifestyle or seeking help with hormone treatment or whatever that is, for you, it's being empowered enough to look at it all and then get everything in place. So you do set yourself up for this amazing next chapter of your life story.

Yeah, I love that. I think that's a really cool place to finish on, as well, you know, and because I really, like you, do believe it is the next chapter and, as far as I'm concerned, I've got lots of stories within that chapter that I want to continue living.

Yeah, definitely, I'm totally agree. I just think I think personally, this is the best chapter of my life story yet and I'm excited to see what unfolds and what comes next. And that's what I want for other women. I don't want people to think this is a downward spiral. It doesn't have to be. It can be a whole new exciting story.

Can I share a funny comment that one of my kids made the other day in our kitchen. This is my eldest son, so he's like 23. And he's in the thick of, you know, finding himself in quite a career kind of driven role, which he never really expected, and he's navigating his way through that. He's had awesome opportunities that you know he's he's doing really well. But we're going to get you in the other day talking and we were talking about some of the achievements that I've had in the last few years. Any turn around, he goes what I'm going to pull back? He goes you're 53 and you're just hitting your peak. Now he goes I'm 23 and I'm busting my ass. Why I'm pulling back? Because obviously all the good things come to you when you're in your 50s.

I love that. That is so good that was real kind of A.

I was really proud that he recognised that I am really hitting my stride now and you know, I do honestly believe I'm hitting my peak. But yeah, it was just a funny takeaway from him that it was a bit like I don't have to do everything in my 20s Like mum's doing it in her 50s. I might just wait till then.

I think it's great for us to be role models for our children as well. Like I see my daughter, like she's really funny, she goes. I'm going to have to do an eye man now, because you've done one, but just other things, just them seeing, like it's a whole different kind of time. I'm fluff, I know you know, thinking of my grandmother when she was my age. She was like you know, she was kind of old and talking about they were old people. Yeah, she looked like she was in her 90s, like she had another nearly 40 years to go, and I just think we can't think like you know, we've got an opportunity not to think like that. We're living longer than ever. But in my grandmother did live to her 90s, so I'm hoping that I live to my 90s.

You've got the genes.

Yeah, I've got 40 years to realize all of my dreams and yeah, it's, it's. But again, I always come back to health, like I have to look after my health. This has to be. I always say we have to put our health at the top of it and I find don't get me wrong sometimes my health is at the bottom of my two lists and I go hang on, tanya, health needs to be at the top of your to do list. I have to talk to myself like I do to my clients, because that is what will allow you to do that.

Yeah, I think we all have to do that from time to time. Tanya, let's wrap things up by. I'm going to throw this on you because I did not prep you for this, but if you've listened to enough of my episodes, you know what's coming. What are you listening to, reading or watching Just one of them right now? That is bringing you joy.

Oh, do you know? I just watched the NIAID movie about the lady who was 64 and swam from Cuba to Florida, and so I've been contemplating doing another Iron man and I'm thinking, oh my God, now I'm going to have to do it, because that's amazing. And it's on my to watch list because it's Jodie Foster, yes, and, and it's been in, yeah, and they show pictures and movies of the actual people, of those two women, because it's a true story. Yeah, and what she went through, oh my God, what a like, how tough was she. I just I can't believe how tough and how determined and how resilient she was and I just think 64. I go, I'm so young, I'm 55. That's nothing I've got, you know, I've got to get my get going and actually start doing some more things.

Yeah, awesome. I think that's on Netflix, isn't?

it. Yeah, yeah, niaid NYAD.

I'll link through to it in the show notes as well for anyone that hasn't heard of it yet, because I have heard incredible reviews about it and it's on my list for this weekend to watch.

Yeah, yeah.

That was good, awesome. Tanya, thank you so much for your time. I have loved learning more about your story. I was familiar with bits and pieces of it. I wasn't familiar with all of it and I'm pretty sure everybody that's listening will have something to take away from your story today. Thanks, nia. Thank you for listening today. I am so grateful to have these conversations with incredible women and experts and I'm grateful that you chose to hit play on this episode of Dare Menopause. If you have a minute of time today, please leave a rating or a review. I would love to hear from you because you are my biggest driver for doing this work. If this chat went way too fast for you and you want more, head over to stellarwomencomau slash podcast for the show notes. And, while you're there, take my midlife quiz to see why it feels like midlife is messing with your head.